


Finding Home

by Kate_Shepard



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mercy Killing, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:54:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22698214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kate_Shepard/pseuds/Kate_Shepard
Summary: When Tamlen appears at the Warden’s camp and she is forced to take drastic measures, she thinks she’s lost everything. But has she?
Relationships: Alistair/Female Warden (Dragon Age), Tamlen/Female Warden (Dragon Age), Zevran Arainai/Female Warden
Kudos: 12





	Finding Home

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Tamlen’s Last Goodbye](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/558784) by Sarah Cousland. 



> Inspired by the Killing Tamlen and Tamlen’s Last Goodbye mods on Nexus. I didn’t want to spoil the mods for those who haven’t played with them, so I strayed a little from them, but I highly recommend them.

The Warden woke with a muffled shout. Alistair jolted upright beside her, and they looked at each other in the dark. The dream had felt so real. Like the Archdemon was watching them. Was this her Warden abilities coming into play? She’d imagined a vague sense when the darkspawn were near, and she’d begun to develop it, but she hadn’t fully understood what Alistair had meant about them being connected. That sense still lingered even after she escaped the dream. 

Alistair was saying something about it seeing them, but she didn’t really hear him until he said, “Oh, shit,” and reached for his sword. It wasn’t remnants from the dream. They were here!

“Sound the alarm!” she ordered. 

“On your feet! To arms!” Alistair’s shout rang across the campsite. 

In a matter of moments, the camp went from sleeping peacefully to a battlefield. The Warden summoned her magic, throwing lightning and fire at the darkspawn. Metal rang on metal. Armor— _did Oghren and Sten sleep in it?_ —clanked. Shale rumbled, shaking the ground. She cast a look around for the civilians, finding Bodhan and Sandal relatively safe under their wagon. 

Zev flanked an enemy, his blades flashing. Leliana sang out encouragement. The Warden took a hit in the shoulder, but Wynne healed it before she could do more than notice it. Nihlus snarled. Morrigan’s staff flashed like a thunderstorm. The darkspawn died until only one remained. An elf, tainted almost beyond recognition.

“ _Lethallan_?” he gasped.

“Tamlen?” she exclaimed, letting her weapon fall. 

It was him. Beneath the taint, she could see him. The boy she grew up with. The man she’d fallen in love with. It had been assumed among the clan that the two of them would marry. They’d scoffed at the idea until it stopped being funny and started being...desirable. She couldn’t imagine either of them with anyone else. And yet here she was with two behind her and Tamlen in front of her. 

“Stay away, _lethallan_ ,” he warned, warding her off. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“What happened to you?” she asked. 

It should have taken longer for her to let him go. She’d loved him. But losing him got caught up in losing her clan, the only family she had, the only home she’d ever known, and then even that was overshadowed by what came next. A human kingdom. The Joining. The darkspawn. Meeting Alistair and almost dying with him. Flemeth’s rescue and losing the rest of the Grey Wardens. The responsibility of saving Ferelden when only days before she’d been just a girl, happy to explore the forests with her best friend and almost-lover. 

In all of that...she hated to admit it, but she’d all but forgotten that Tamlen might still be alive. She’d given up hope for him and found it in her companions. She had never expected to see him again, and certainly not tainted like this. Her heart broke for him, and when he begged her to make the song stop, she couldn’t deny him. She would hope that he’d have shown her the same mercy if their situations had reversed. 

“I’m so sorry, Tamlen,” she whispered.

“I’m glad it’s you, lethallan,” he said. “Ma ghilana mir din’an.”

“If that is what you really want,” she said and enfolded him into a final embrace.

“I want to go home. Sing to me?” he asked. 

_Sing_? She didn’t know what to sing. Then it came to her on her mother’s voice. The lullaby.

“ _Elgara vallas, da'len. Melava somniar. Mala taren aravas, ara ma'desen melar_ ,” she sang. He rested his head on her shoulder, his arms sliding around her waist. 

She drew her dagger. “ _Iras ma ghilas, da'len, ara ma'nedan ashir? Dirthara lothlenan'as, bal emma mala dir_.” 

Her voice broke as she held his gaze. The knife almost gently between his ribs and into his heart. She felt the blade as surely as if it was piercing her own. “ _Tel'enfenim, da'len, irassal ma ghilas. Ma garas mir renan. Ara ma'athlan vhenas._ ”

He puffed out a breath, his knees buckling, and she caught him, easing him to the soft ground. “ _Falon’Din enasal enaste. Dareth shiral, ma vhenas_.”

His eyes closed, and the weight of everything that had happened since they’d run into the humans in the woods crashed into her. She curled over his body, a wail tearing from her chest. She keened, sobbing into her hands. They never should have gone into that cave. She should have pulled him away from the mirror. They should have just killed the humans and been done with. They’d have married as everyone expected of them and they’d have raised a family with the clan and been happy and _normal_. He would be here. He wouldn’t have suffered. 

She didn’t realize she was repeating “ _Ir abelas, Ir abelas_ ,” until Zevran’s hands wrapped around her arms and drew her to her feet. 

He didn’t seem to know what to do with her once he had her, but he said gently, “That was beautifully done, _vhenan_. I could not have done it better myself. He did not suffer. _Mala suledin nadas_. I do not know what to say, but I will be here for you.”

Alistair placed a hand on her shoulder. “As am I.”

“I need to bury him,” she said, looking up at them. “I…it feels unfair to ask this of you, but he was my best friend even before…he’s my _home_. I can’t just leave him like this.”

“I understand,” Alistair said. “We will help you.”

Zev nodded. “Of course, my dear. If it was Rinna, you would help me, no?” She nodded. “Then it is not unfair.”

Together the three of them began working the soil. A few moments later, Oghren joined them. “Bah. You topsiders don’t know how to dig. It’ll take all night doing that. Move over.”

He took a pick and outlined the space and began to dig. They watched him for a minute before copying his method. Soon, there was a neat hole in the earth. 

Sten lumbered over, scooping Tamlen off the ground and unceremoniously dumping him into the hole. Before she could protest or ask what he was doing, though, he picked up the bow Tamlen had carried and brought it over to her, holding it with a reverence he hadn’t shown the body. 

He offered it to her and said, “He is no longer in that husk. His soul rests here. Carry it and honor him.”

She looked from the bow to the hole and took it, saying, “That’s…beautiful in a way. Thank you, Sten.”

Shale pushed the dirt back into the hole, and Leliana knelt by the head of the grave, clasping her hands in front of her. Praying. To the wrong god, of course, but her gods had already been prayed to for him. She suspected it was less for him than it was for her anyway. 

Wynne crouched beside Leliana, sprinkling seeds over the bare dirt. With a wave of her hand, green sprang up, grass covering it in a soft carpet. A stalk wound up toward the dark sky, leaves and buds erupting from the bark, a flowering bush marking his resting place. 

Bodahn and Sandal walked up quietly, and Bodahn pressed a stone inlaid with gems and dweomer runes into the ground beneath the bush, ostensibly to protect against any spells that might be used to raise him.

Even Morrigan stood nearby. She was silent and still, but her presence said everything it needed to. 

Zevran and Alistair’s arms slid around her waist, offering support, and she looked around at them all. Perhaps she hadn’t lost everything after all. Perhaps in losing her home, she’d found it. Clan didn’t necessitate blood, and home wasn’t a place. This was her clan, her people. She could face anything that came because she didn’t have to face it alone. 

**Author's Note:**

> Killing Tamlen by Tinimaus: https://www.nexusmods.com/dragonage/mods/4591
> 
> Phrases used (translations from the Wiki)  
> The lullaby: Sun sets, little one. Time to dream. Your mind journeys, but I will hold you here.  
> Where will you go, little one, lost to me in sleep? Seek truth in a forgotten land, deep with in your heart.  
> Never fear, little one, wherever you shall go. Follow my voice. I will call you home.  
> Falon’Din enasal enaste. Dareth shiral, ma vhenas: A prayer for the dead. ‘Goodbye, my home.”  
> Ir abelas: I’m sorry.  
> Vhenan: heart  
> Mala suledin nadas: Now you must endure.


End file.
